For when you both need healing
When You Lose It Too
You will. We all do. The question isn’t if, it’s when and what you do next.
What losing it looks like:
- Shouting when you meant to stay calm
- Saying things you regret
- Feeling completely overwhelmed
- Walking away when they needed you
- Reacting instead of responding
First: Forgive yourself immediately.
You’re human. Parenting a child with big feelings is hard. Perfect parents don’t exist, and your child doesn’t need one.
The Repair Process
Step 1: Get Regulated First You can’t repair from a dysregulated state.
- Breathe
- Move your body
- Drink water
- Get perspective
Step 2: Simple Acknowledgment “I lost my temper. That wasn’t okay.” No excuses. No blame. Just truth.
Step 3: Take Responsibility “My job is to stay calm even when things are hard. I didn’t do that.”
Step 4: Reconnect “I love you. Nothing changes that.” Maybe a hug if they want it.
Step 5: Plan Better “Next time I’ll… [specific plan]”
What Repair Sounds Like
For a 3-year-old: “Mummy got upset. Mummy’s sorry. Big hugs?”
For a 7-year-old: “I shouted when I was frustrated. That wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry.”
For a teenager: “I reacted badly when I was overwhelmed. That’s my responsibility, not yours. How can we do better next time?”
Daily Connection Repair
Even without big blowups, connection needs daily maintenance:
Morning reconnection:
- Fresh start ritual
- “How’s your body feeling today?”
- Physical affection if wanted
Evening repair:
- “What was hard today?”
- “What was good today?”
- “I love being your parent”
When They’re Still Upset
Sometimes they need time. Respect that.
- “I’m here when you’re ready”
- Stay available but not pushy
- Maybe leave a note or drawing
- Trust the relationship will heal
The Beautiful Truth About Repair
Children who see adults repair learn:
- Mistakes don’t end relationships
- People can change and grow
- Love persists through difficult times
- Everyone deserves forgiveness
- Healing is possible
Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent. They need a repairing parent.