This technique was born from watching parents struggle with complex breathing exercises while their toddler is having a meltdown in aisle three of Tesco.
You need something that works in 90 seconds. While holding a screaming child. With strangers watching. When you’re running on three hours’ sleep.
This is it.
The Four Steps (Remember: STOP)
S – Sense Your Feet Right now, wherever you are, feel your feet. In your shoes, on the floor. Press them down. Feel the solid ground beneath you. Count: 1… 2… 3…
T – Take Three Breaths Breathe in for 3… Hold for 3… Out for 6. Again: In for 3… Hold for 3… Out for 6. Once more: In for 3… Hold for 3… Out for 6.
O – Open Your Peripheral Vision Without moving your head, notice what’s in the corners of your vision. The walls, the ceiling, the edges of your world. Let your vision soften and widen.
P – Pick One Thing One small thing you can do right now. Not the whole to-do list. Just one thing. “I can put the kettle on.” “I can sit down.” “I can text my partner.”
Why This Works
Your nervous system needs:
- Grounding (feet to floor)
- Regulation (controlled breathing)
- Safety (wide vision tells your brain you’re not under attack)
- Control (one manageable action)
Practice Now
Try it with me:
- Feet down… Ground yourself
- Three breaths… Slow and steady
- Open your vision… Notice the space around you
- Pick one thing… What feels manageable?
When to Use It
- Before you go into your child’s bedroom in the morning
- After a difficult phone call with the school
- When you feel that familiar tension rising
- Before bedtime routines (yours and theirs)
- When you catch yourself catastrophising
The Real Test
The real test isn’t whether you can do this when you’re already calm. It’s whether you can remember it when you’re at the edge of your window.
Start practising now, in calm moments. Your nervous system learns through repetition, not crisis.
Your Personalised Calm Plan
Take what works. Leave what doesn’t. Your Calm Plan might be:
- STOP technique + cup of tea
- STOP technique + stepping outside
- STOP technique + calling your mum
- STOP technique + stroking the cat
Make it yours. Use it daily. Trust it to hold you.